I had an old mate his name was whatsisface i met him on the army base it was before he lost his face he wanted to go space it was a fucking disgrace oh bad things happen oh yes oh yes they do and good things come to those who wait but bad things come to whatsisface they said you gotta have faith he didn’t even have a face he did an about face vanished without a trace but i still think of me old mate old whatsisface

storm in a teacup born in a barn nobody ever meant to do you any harm no they don’t mean to no but they do its like a coastal shelf that deepens from me to you all i ever wanna do is talk to you born on monday named on tuesday married on wednesday ill on thursday worse on friday died on saturday buried on sunday

calling me out for saying soccer what the fuck let’s hear your cockney accent fucker someone said we was a comedy band but there’s nothing funny about a sad old man you say you’re sick of the banter from the class war ranter it’s not our fault if you don’t like crass either way you can kiss me ass you watched downton abbey on your computer now you’re a fucking english tutor you spent two hours at heathrow once now you have dinner when we have lunch

what’s up with these uniforms they’ve got stars and we’ve got skulls which side of history are we on and who’s the fucking bogeyman are we the baddies who knows we know who cares we care was that chorus just a lift of some tony iommi riff intellectual property or just three notes on the string of E

baby pack your bags we've got a long way to go this morning looks a bit too short this town has nothing for us anymore I’m tired of staring at all these walls we can visit me aunt and uncle they live in a house outside of time they grow old and younger at will they live right down on the county line we’re going to the land of the dead its time to cross the river styx we’re going to the ocean baby check me scabs and liberally apply some lotion

30 more years of the gutters 30 more years of this you cannot be serious 30 more years of the same old songs 30 more years of we can’t play drums

you wanna retire at age 34 move to the country never see the poor you gripe about lazy you never work a day you boss around a peasant and get your pay but pounds shillings and pence what about when its all spent always trying to build another fence and talk about the people in the tents someone embezzled my hedge fund so come and sleep with me in the hedge hon I’m saving up for a tent because i can’t afford no rent

you smell of elon musk out of your mouth comes dust I’m stuck inside your shop wishing that your mouth would stop you’ve got philosophy but it’s got problems one two three you think that everyone’s like you just not as good but everybody aint got choices aint got voices you are the boy in the plastic bubble throw blame and shame at any sign of trouble

i haven’t left me house in about a week someone delivers the shit i eat I’m busy wanking on a little screen looking for someone to come over and clean don’t worry we’ve got an app for that doctor i’ve got this horrible rash its creeping down from me bollocks to me ass could you prescribe some pills and cream coz me girlfriend’s coming over at half past three

who love sad horse we love sad horse we’ve seen a lot of bands we’ve heard some tasty jams we love sad horse

a lurchy song with creepy content halloween its slippery outside left right walking highway shoulder on a pond we’re on thin ice here’s the chorus rather predictable i expected nothing less let me guess is it four bars long don’t let’s repeat it twice in this song back to the lurching eyes are burning walking all night in the corridors the iceman walking on the thin ice we’re falling already nobody gives a fuck

if you sit round talking shite about the things that you would then change the things you like if your desires ain't coming true just take a look at what’s around you like the light across the wall like the shadows as they fall like the rain and the morning light